Dear Adam Carr,
As the CEO of the second-largest hummus maker in the United States and a major player in the global hummus industry, I know you understand the value of relationships.
Hummus is the most delicious food ever invented. But it’s more than that. It’s history and culture, it’s romance, it’s a bridge between peoples, and — as we all know — it’s the only appropriate snack for book clubs.
If not for hummus there would be no book clubs. If not for book clubs, there would be no books. If not for books, there would be no reason to live. If there were no reason to live, there would be no people.
There would only be pandas and jaguars. Think about it for a second.
Most book clubs happen after dinner and before sex. They are, as you know, an excuse for people with university degrees to drink too much wine. I did an informal market research study and learned that if you took wine and hummus away from attractive middle-aged people they would see the sham in what we call “democracy” and riot nightly in the streets: broken windows, crying children, piles of burning tires.
I am sure you understand the gravity of what you do every day at Tribe, the immense responsibility you have as a keeper of order and beauty on the continent. I just wanted to remind you and your entire team that most of what we take for granted in North America — commerce, love, literature, public transportation, jazz music, lingerie — would not exist if it were not for what you make every day.
That’s right: hummus.
Why am I telling you this? I am a novelist. My last book, Come Barbarians, and my latest one, Son of France, come with a promise to readers. If you read my novel and you invite me to your book club I will bring hummus and a bottle of red wine from the Southern Rhône Valley of France.
Now, I can make hummus. I do. But then I began thinking of you, Mr. Carr, and how deeply you value relationships. I can help you and you can help me.
How about it: I bring delicious Tribe hummus to the book club, the wine-buzzed readers taste it, and voilà: they’re hooked. You build market share in the coveted 35-85 mostly-female demographic and I don’t have to make so much damn hummus.
I await your response with gratitude for everything you do for all of us.